My birthday...

So this year i turned 25... I can't believe how fast time goes by.. and to be honest... I wasn't happy about it.. and it's kinda bumming me out.. I mean... what have I really done with my life? not much.. last year I was so happy about it.. this year I can't shake the feeling that the rest of my life is going to be very ho hum I feel like the older I get the more I wish i would do more.. be more daring and brave.. but I hold myself back alot.. for one.. the boy I'm head over heels in love with has no idea that I feel like that.. and to be honest he's probably  one of the many boys in love with my sister.. So i had this huge 80's party hoping that it would make me feel better.. I got super trashed and it didn't help.. I still felt depressed about my increasing years... Monday was my birthday and it passed with an overwhelming cloud of depression.. I pretended to be happy.. and I can't help but wonder.. is this going to be the way the rest of my birthdays are going to be?? am I fated to be the alone girl who doesn't even get bday sex? I'd settle for a bday cuddle.. It could be worse.. I could be homeless and hungry, or stuck in a loveless marriage or I could have 10 kids.. I could be in an abusive relationship, I know there are a million things that are worse than turning 25 and still having the v card but sometimes I feel unloveable... like I'm missing that something that makes boys fall in love with girls, like maybe something is wrong with me.. I don't know... but tomorrow is another day.. and maybe I'll see the silver lining to this 25 business but for now.. I wish I could turn back the clock and be 22 again.. 22 was a good year for me.. I still had hope then...